Cancer Isn't Done With Me Yet

I haven't written here in quite awhile. Enough people have been asking me how I am that I thought it would be helpful to give an update.

I had a CT and MRI in November and I met with both my oncologist and surgeon. The good news from that appointment was that I was (and still am) healing well from the surgery and there was no sign of recurrence where the tumor was removed. The unfortunate news is that the CT showed that the numerous very small nodules in my lungs had grown since the last CT in June.

I went to Seattle in early January to get a second opinion at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center. What the oncologist there said is that the nodules in my lungs are "highly suspicious" and "probable" metastases of the cancer that was removed from my pelvis. The only way to confirm that is with a biopsy, but they are too small for that. They are "indolent" (apparently the term they use) which means they are very slowly growing.

I had another CT in early February. It, too, showed that the nodules in my lungs continue to slowly grow in size. I have no symptoms at all from these nodules. Because I don't, and because they are still very small, at this point the plan is to continue monitoring them with scans every 3-4 months.

I was so hopeful that I would get an "all clear" at my November appointment. Unfortunately that didn't happen. This cancer isn't done with me yet.

And yet, I feel the best I have in a long time. I am back to running -- not as fast or as far -- but I can do it. Just today, for the first time since December 2021, I ran over 5 miles. It felt amazing. I am sleeping so much better without the sciatic nerve pain caused by the tumor. I am in the best shape I have been in a long time.

But I still have cancer. It's so strange to feel as good as I do knowing that the cancer is slowly growing in my body. 

This all means that my short term prognosis is good. Unless something changes, I have years in front of me. But it also means that my long term prognosis is much cloudier. Unless something changes, I probably don't have decades. Apparently, my type of cancer is "elite," meaning very rare, which also means that there aren't as many treatment options as there are for more common cancers.

I don't intend to pursue any clinical trials or experimental therapies right now. I feel too good to mess it all up with side effects from treatment. But when the cancer progresses to the point that I have symptoms, I'll hope that there are clinical trials that may have a therapeutic benefit for me.

What else to say? Of course I am wondering what's going to happen to me. I'm thinking about different scenarios and trying to be clear in my own heart and mind about what I do and don't want if/when I get sicker.

Lately, one (of many) prayers on my lips has been, "God, I'm grateful to be alive today."